In the Office

Work at the office was difficult today. I had to keep sneaking away from my cubicle to stuff Mars bars down my already chocolate-coated throat. Oh gosh, am I already complaining?! I LOVE Mars bars! I should be grateful that while my coworkers are picking at a 10 oz tupperware of wilted romaine and baby carrots I could literally eat a baby and not feel bad about it going to my waistline! I could eat four babies and not worry. Four human babies!

I decided to come out to my workmates about my goal. They would have noticed eventually as the candy wrappers poured from my desk and people's lunches started to disappear from the fridge as if we were suddenly infested by an impoverished gnome family. I will, of course, need Sandra from HR on my side if I ever plan on getting a double wide rolley chair.

Janet from accounts cornered me by the communal refrigerator to compliment me on my "endeavors." However genuine her thoughts might have been, I couldn't help but notice her staring at a piece of nougat suck to my cardigan. Wise up, Janet, this nougat is mine.

Weight: 174 

So far, so baby. I mean, good.