The Decision

OK, so here's the story. I just moved from my parent's house in the suburbs to beautiful, sweet Boston. As a part of my transition into adulthood, I decided it was time to buy a "Big Girl Bed" or at least something larger than the twin I have been sleeping in since I rolled out of the crib. So mom and I went to Herb's Rest Stop in Norwood to pick out my sleeping partner for the third of my life I spend curled up and snoring. There she was in the corner: simple, soft, secure. This queen sized wonder was mine the moment I laid eyes on her rippling cotton.

Our first night together was a bit awkward, sure, but it was wonderful. I slept in positions I didn't know were possible! Night two we cuddled soundly as if we were never apart. But by night three I noticed something strange, distant. It was loneliness. I never noticed it while sleeping in my twin built for one. There was suddenly too much space around me. It was cold. So this morning I decided a change was needed. I could only think of two ways to properly fill the bed to my comfort and satisfaction: buy a ton of pillows or gain 300 lbs. I decided to gain 300 lbs.

How hard can it be? I love food. I don't have a job that requires me to be svelte. And millions of people are big enough to fill up their queen sized beds, no problem! I decided to record my journey here, mostly for support and to help me keep on track.

How am I going to do it? By eating a lot, silly! It takes roughly 3200 calories to gain a pound and we lose about 1500 calories a day digesting and stuff, so as long as I eat at least 4700 calories a day for the next 10 months, Ill reach my goal by next winter!

That doesn't sound very healthy? Actors gain weight for parts all the time. So do bears for winter.

I'm looking forward to what this change will bring, both in my sleeping life, and personally. Plus I'll get to eat a lot of pie. And I love pie.