Back to the Old Country.

To commemorate my epic return to the east coast, I have decided treat myself to an equally epic meal at the Old Country Buffet. Once the ironic hotspot of South Shore teenagers, the OCB is on its way to becoming my second home. For under $10 all kinds of goodies can be got. And were talking quantity, ambiguous quality here.

My first course was a nice creamy tray of macaroni and cheese- An American Classic! I made it through the second course at the carving station like a champ. All was going well until I moseyed over to the turkey-shaped basket of dinner rolls. With a deep breath, I reaching into the turkey's midsection. My fingers were barely clasped around a single, warm dinner roll when suddenly it was snatched away by none other than Mike Sampson, the meanest, dirtiest grandson of Bodacious Beatrice, one of the Silver Seven at Savory Oak nursing home. My rage heightened as I noticed it was the last roll in the turkey. Mike is known for his goofs and pranks, but this, sir, went too far. As he turned on a chipper heal to head back to his family's table, I grabbed his shoulder. He knew why he was being stopped. I stared into his cold blue eyes. It was like looking into a doll with no soul. I told him to give it back. He said no. I said now. He said bite me. As I reached out my hand to grab the golden roll away he shoved the entire buttery ball into his mouth. I gasped. He laughed like a maniac. Unfortunitly for him, laughing with a mouth full of roll leads to choking. Good thing I just finished my CPR bush up at Savory Oak. The roll shot out of his esophagus and flew across the dining room. It landed with a plop in the Groovy Gravy. I may not have won the roll, but at least Mike didn't get the satisfaction of eating it. Plus he owes me is life.

Mike's parents were so grateful for my heroism they ordered Cassandra, the head cook at OCB, to bake up a new batch of dinner rolls. All for me.

Weight: 208